| "> | | | | way you always have done. It is up to you to |
| When we are born we enter this world without | | | | make a conscious decision that you want to |
| fear and full of hope and innocence. What then | | | | change how you feel about yourself and then to |
| happens as we grow is that our minds are filled | | | | take the steps to do something about it. |
| with the rules and beliefs of others - parents, our | | | | The only person you can CONTROL in this |
| friends, teachers and so on. | | | | process is YOU! If someone makes some |
| This is the way we learned our beliefs through | | | | comment that is not out of care and respect for |
| childhood. We are basically the sum total of what | | | | you and could potentially make you feel bad about |
| others think. What we perceive as right or wrong, | | | | yourself - it says more about THEM than it does |
| good or bad, what is acceptable and what is not | | | | about YOU. |
| has all been programmed into us by others. Is it | | | | Maybe they are having a bad game and indirectly |
| little wonder that so few of us do not have a | | | | they are having a go at their own abilities. |
| strong sense of 'self'. Golf is a truly amazing game | | | | Whatever the intention it is not up to you to |
| because for you to excel, that is precisely what | | | | analyse it. This is time consuming and based on |
| you need. | | | | ASSUMPTIONS! We all know what can happen |
| What happens though, is if we are not careful we | | | | when we make assumptions. This type of |
| become victims of other people's opinions. Is it | | | | behaviour will do nothing to help you build up your |
| little wonder that whilst we have been growing up, | | | | self-esteem and work on your own confidence |
| that listening to others has become an acceptable | | | | and above all else it will take your mind AWAY |
| way to learn. The difference is when we are | | | | from the task in hand. Staying focused on playing |
| children although we have the opportunity to | | | | a great shot. |
| choose what we want to believe we just simply | | | | Also remember when you are standing on the |
| believe everything an adult tells us. | | | | first tee, I assure you the golfers around you are |
| As adults, however, it is a completely different | | | | worrying about their first tee shot as much if not |
| story. We do have the choice not to listen to | | | | more than you. We humans tend to get wrapped |
| others, but after a lifetime of taking in information | | | | up in our own 'personal importance' far too much. |
| this way we have lost the ability to trust our own | | | | This is the greatest expression of selfishness as |
| feelings, thoughts and reactions. | | | | we feel that everything is about 'me'. |
| We train our children much like we would train a | | | | It may come as a shock to you but those |
| pet dog. We use a system of punishment and | | | | watching you tee off are living their own 'personal |
| reward. If you are a good boy or girl you | | | | importance' nightmares. Comments from them |
| received praise and good things, if you were bad | | | | about you are only highlighting their own fears and |
| then you were punished. This is how we learn to | | | | beliefs and are not a personal attack on you! |
| 'people please' as we quickly understand that the | | | | If you start to take on everyone else's emotional |
| rewards are far more enjoyable than the | | | | garbage then it will become yours. You will then |
| punishment. | | | | be stuck in a cycle of personal self-talk that will |
| The rewards would take the form of getting | | | | try and support what you think they should |
| positive attention and the punishment would most | | | | believe. Whilst you are trying to control what |
| certainly include some form of rejection. Rejection | | | | others are thinking and believing (incidentally YOU |
| is the NUMBER ONE fear of human beings. It has | | | | WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THIS!) you have |
| been so successfully used in our formative years | | | | once more given away your control. Your need |
| that it is difficult to break the beliefs that have | | | | to be right and to change the minds of others will |
| set us up for a lifetime of pleasing others. | | | | create one more nail in your coffin of low |
| We understand that if we go against these 'rules', | | | | personal self-esteem. |
| then we suffer. Unfortunately, by the time we | | | | In the same way, as what you say and do to |
| are able to take back the control in our lives and | | | | others is a reflection of your personal rules or |
| decide for ourselves what rules we want to live | | | | beliefs, these have nothing to do with anyone but |
| by we have been programmed into a certain way | | | | yourself. |
| of thinking and behaving. | | | | REMEMBER: It is not important what someone |
| How important someone else's opinion is to you | | | | else thinks of you - it is important what you think |
| will directly affect your self-esteem and | | | | of you. If you know WHO you are and WHAT |
| confidence. By giving someone else the POWER | | | | you want, then WHAT someone else thinks about |
| to build you up or knock you down with a single | | | | you does not matter. If you remove the need to |
| comment, opens you up to a lifetime of low | | | | be accepted your self-esteem and confidence will |
| self-esteem and poor confidence. | | | | soar. |
| This is never more true than on a Golf Course. | | | | TIP: The next time some says or does anything |
| You have the choice to allow someone else to | | | | that offends you say to yourself - |
| affect your mood and how you feel about | | | | 'I am not going to take this personally. Whatever |
| yourself. | | | | you think about me is your problem. It is based |
| So what can you do about it? | | | | on your own personal rules and beliefs that are |
| It's up to you to catch yourself when someone | | | | not mine, which is absolutely fine. I know that with |
| has made a negative comment that could | | | | that comment or action you are dealing with your |
| potentially change your mood. Ask yourself | | | | own fears about yourself. Nothing you think or do |
| whose opinion matters the most, 'how you feel | | | | is about ME it is about YOU! |
| about yourself or what Derek may or may not | | | | It is time to make 2009 the year that you are |
| think!' | | | | going to take responsibility for your own personal |
| The first step is to NOT TAKE ANYTHING | | | | growth, to support and encourage your own |
| PERSONALLY! | | | | self-esteem, and to create the confident, |
| This is a new skill, so please do not be too hard | | | | successful golfer and person that is within you. |
| on yourself. It takes time to stop reacting the | | | | |