| div> | | | | or express a need or want, you are being |
| You’ve probably heard the old real estate | | | | proactive with your boundaries. In other words, |
| cliché which asks the question, What are | | | | you’re not waiting to react, but instead are |
| the three most important elements of | | | | being forthright in stating and choosing what it is |
| property? You also probably know the answer | | | | that you want and desire in your life. This all |
| is location, location and location. | | | | comes from knowing your values, deal-makers |
| But have you ever heard the similar question | | | | and deal-breakers, and living in integrity. |
| about life, What are the three most important | | | | Being assertive means not only saying No |
| elements of a balanced life? The answer to | | | | to what you don’t want, but stating what |
| this question is boundaries, boundaries, and | | | | you do want, proactively. |
| boundaries. | | | | Want the aisle seat? Then ask for it. Want a |
| It's all about the balance challenge of life... | | | | booth instead of a table? Ask for it. Want less |
| The Boundary Triad of Health and Wholeness | | | | ice or no ice? Then ask for it. I think you get the |
| Boundaries are all about knowing where you end | | | | idea, right? |
| and others begin, as well as knowing where your | | | | Know who you are (your purpose and values), |
| energy needs to be divided from one area of | | | | and know what you want (your goals and |
| your life to another. When you are aware of your | | | | desires). Then ask for exactly what it is you need |
| boundaries and you reinforce them, you’ll | | | | to achieve all this. |
| find yourself operating in a flow, which essentially | | | | You’re far more likely to get what you |
| means there’s an ease in all you do. Life | | | | want in life if you ask for it than if you |
| without boundaries (or the reinforcement of | | | | don’t! |
| them), results in massive losses of energy and an | | | | Don’t assume people, even those closest |
| experience of going against the grain. | | | | to you, will know what you want and need unless |
| There are three basics of boundaries dynamics: | | | | you ask. Being proactive will make your life more |
| One which is internal and two which are external. | | | | fulfilling. |
| The internal boundaries are totally with yourself. | | | | Reactive Boundaries: These are boundaries you |
| The external boundaries — proactive and | | | | set to repel anything which is unacceptable or |
| reactive - are with others. Let’s take a | | | | inappropriate to you. You must first identify what |
| closer look. | | | | is unacceptable and then enforce the boundaries |
| Internal Boundaries: These boundaries will give you | | | | you set. When someone does something which is |
| a more balanced life. When you live according to | | | | intrusive, inappropriate, or abusive toward you, |
| your purpose and vision, everything revolves | | | | it’s your responsibility to set an appropriate |
| around this. Your purpose and vision are the | | | | boundary to protect yourself. |
| center of your life, and they are expressed in all | | | | This may simply mean leaving the situation or |
| areas of your life. | | | | distancing yourself from it; letting the person |
| Evaluate your level of satisfaction with each | | | | know what happened and what you want |
| primary area of your life on a scale from 1 to 10. | | | | differently; and/or just simply informing them that |
| If you find certain areas coming up with | | | | the behavior is unacceptable. Avoid explaining or |
| unsatisfactory results, or if there are areas which | | | | complaining. Just state what happened and what |
| are dominating your life, reset your goals and | | | | you want, or remove yourself from the situation. |
| reprioritize to get the maximum balance you | | | | If you believe you have no choices, you’ll |
| desire. | | | | feel stuck and like a victim as well. Always see |
| Keep in mind, however, balance is seldom ever | | | | the options and choices you do have. When you |
| perfected but rather an ongoing readjustment. If | | | | recognize these options and act upon then, you |
| you find you’re sacrificing disproportionate | | | | keep your power. |
| balance to or in one area (relationship, work, | | | | These are the three boundary dynamics in your |
| friends) you may want to re-evaluate that choice. | | | | life: Your internal boundaries with yourself, and |
| This is often an early warning sign of some | | | | both your proactive and reactive boundaries with |
| oncoming dysfunction which can still be prevented. | | | | others. |
| Proactive Boundaries: When you make a request, | | | | |